I secretly contacted my father – now my mother refuses to speak to me | Ask Annalisa Barbieri

You did nothing wrong in seeking out your father. Love is not about declaring total loyalty

I am 36 years old. I hadn’t seen my father since I was five, but at the age of 25, after a particularly difficult crisis and lack of support from my mother and stepfather, I sought him out. The subsequent years, with regular contact, felt nourishing.

I had to keep the relationship quiet to avoid potentially upsetting my mother and stepfather. However after the birth of my first child the issue became more salient and my mother then cut off contact. I only heard why through my stepfather, who was angry with me. He told me that she feels betrayed and disrespected. I am now attempting to reconcile with at least my mother and my siblings on her side.

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