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Lockdown has slowed me down. So why can’t I spare two minutes to clean my teeth? | Adrian Chiles

Apparently I have been cleaning them wrong all my life. Now I’m determined to brush my way to inner peace

A dentist suggested I see a hygienist. She tried her best to make it sound as if this advice didn’t amount to me being sent to the naughty step. Her tone was kinder than that, more like a teacher saying: “You’ve obviously tried very hard with this work and it’s very good, but why don’t you take it away and have another look at it?”

The hygienist was very thorough. She too trod a line of floss-like fineness between praising my efforts, saying there wasn’t too much to worry about, and yet also implying that if I didn’t sharpen up a bit, the consequences would be grave. I very clearly heard my entirely toothless grandad’s words when I was a newly baby-toothless teenager: “This set of teeth have got to last you a lifetime now; look after them.” I took this on board but then he disappointed me greatly by giving me an electric toothbrush for Christmas. I wanted a bike.

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