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Pooch Perfect: a TV reality contest that isn’t just bad, it’s obscene

Even for a country that loves dogs as much as the UK, a show where participants put diamante necklaces on poodles seems like a step too far

The fear, of course, is that by the year 2030 everybody in Britain will have been required – legally or otherwise – to participate in a reality show competition. Always two judges, always a double-wide table for each contestant, always stress and tears and protective aprons, always a cheerful hosting duo making jokes. We started on the normal things humans do for hobbies – baking, sewing, pottery – and now we are here, at Pooch Perfect (Thursday, 8pm, BBC One), blow-drying a pomeranian at Sheridan Smith’s behest. Sometimes, if you look closely, you can see culture collapsing like a cliff face into the barren sea. You can see the cracks in society that allowed a TV producer to lean back in a pitch meeting and go: “Pricks like dogs, don’t they? How about: an hour of dogs?”

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